Sorting Out the Mariners Pitching

This is all sort of late and whatever, but this is a second blog post in two days. I’m taking baby steps here. Soon, you might even get some new, original, up-to-date and interesting content. I really shouldn’t get your hopes up though, that was dumb of me. Anyway, since I am lazy and would rather spend tomorrow looking at the GJMBSP (Giant Jumbled Mess of Big Strong Players) that is our offense right now I will be looking at our pitching situation.

Yeah Hisashi, I'm already predicting your stats, don't suck please

Starters

Felix Hernandez

Hisashi Iwakuma

Joe Saunders

Brandon Maurer

Blake Beavan

I already discussed the last three yesterday and can sum up that discussion in a few words. I love Brandon Maurer’s beard. Joe Saunders is in the running to be this year’s Kevin Millwood. Blake Beavan is still Blake Beavan. Now we move onto Felix and Hisashi Iwakuma.

I had the pleasure of watching Iwakuma face the Chicago Cubs yesterday and despite their regulars only getting one at-bat before the scrubs showed up, Iwakuma did fine. He is weirdly consistent in that he will strike out a few guys, walk a few guys and give up a home run. I am really tempted to project his stats this year in the 15-10 with a 3.58 ERA and a HR/9 of about .80. That’s right, its been published on the internet, I am totally accountable for those projections. And I guess I’ll stand by it, whatever, he is Hisashi Iwakuma. Despite suffering from dry skin issues yesterday, I am totally serious too, he looked like the boring, consistent and not sexy pitcher I remember. That is absolutely a good thing. We need all the consistency we can get with Saunders, Beavan and Maurer behind him.

Instead of discussing how awesome Felix Hernandez is, I will leave you with a slideshow of awesome pictures of Felix pitching and doing other things. You’re welcome.

Pensive Felix

Excited Felix

Peek-a-boo Felix

Flexible Felix

Bullpen

Carter Capps

Stephen Pryor

Tom Wilhelmsen

Kameron Loe

Oliver Perez

Lucas Luetge

Charlie Furbush

This is the exact same bullpen as last year, except Josh Kinney grew like a foot and totally changed his appearance, pitching mechanics, and name. I automatically like Kameron Loe because he is tall, but he offers similar results to Kinney. Whereas Kinney used off-speed stuff ad nauseum, Loe uses his fastball and steep angle of release to get a bunch of groundballs. He can also pitch a few innings and will play the “long-relief” role along with Charlie Furbush. Lucas Luetge’s hair is looking super awesome, for everyone who cares. WHICH SHOULD BE EVERYONE! He has since gotten his hair trimmed. Because his wife wanted him too. I am not pleased with you Mrs. Luetge. Wilhelmsen has not looked good so far, but I don’t really care because Spring Training stats really mean nothing. I saw Carter Capps pitch against the Cubs scrubs yesterday and he looks like the real deal. He could very easily threaten for the closer role this year and definitely next year. His fastball looked as awesome as ever and he has a lot more confidence in his slider than last year. I’m excited to watch him this year. Stephen Pryor is still throwing gas, as was expected and Charlie Furbush is still classic Charlie "Whirling Dervish" Furbush.

This pitching staff will not be as good as it was last year. Saunders, despite having almost identical stats to Vargas, is on the wrong side of 30 but should be around league average, depending on how much the fence changes affect fly balls. Felix is Felix. Hisashi is Hisashi. Beavan is still a ham sandwich. The real wild card is Brandon Maurer, who hasn’t pitched above AA before. Remember last time the M’s broke camp with a guy who hadn’t pitched above AA before? He didn’t give up an earned run until June 19^th. He was also Lucas Luetge, a lefty specialist, but whatever. If Maurer can’t hang with the major league hitters, Erasmo Ramirez is waiting in Tacoma. But I think Maurer will surprise people and potentially go Erasmo all over everyone (I think Erasmo-ing is totally catching on). This rotation is solid, but the GJMBSP will have to hit to carry this team to a winning record. 

The Spring Training Post: Only Two Months Late

            Ok, so at this point I am not even going to try and justify why Patrick and I haven’t been writing much. Sorry I have a life and spend many weekends of my chasing a piece of plastic. That part of my life is mostly over and my calendar has opened up. So I am giving some of you readers who are still with us for some reason, a slice of my newly discovered time. This also correlates with my trip to Arizona to watch the Mariners. Due to some unfortunate scheduling, I will only get to see one game and will not get to watch any practice. Such is life. To be totally honest, this isn’t the first article I’ve tried to write on Spring Training. I wrote one about a week and a half ago and sent it to Patrick. Who didn’t post it. Probably because it was not very good. So this is my second attempt to get people fired up for the Mariners in 2013. You fired up yet?

           

These guys are fired up

            This Spring has been full of surprises and some things that were essentially already set. Brandon Maurer has made the rotation, that’s a surprise. Mike Zunino did not, shocker! As much as I would love to break down the roster and tell you whether it will be Casper Wells or Jason Bay making the roster, I really don’t know. A rejuvenated Jason Bay could get much more value at the trade deadline, but he also has not been a productive player since 2009. Wells has his own issues and did suffer an injury earlier in Spring Training, which cost him some games and chances to prove himself. He’s the safe bet between the two, but Wedge rarely thinks like I do and he could gamble on Bay figuring out his swing.

            I’ll cover the details of the rotation, offense and how Wedge plans on playing Montero, Morales, Smoak, Morse and Ibanez all at once tomorrow or Friday. I really haven’t looked at too much and it’s kind of a giant jumble of really big, strong, slow baseball players. For now, you will have to settle with me discussing Brandon Maurer, Joe Saunders and Blake Beavan. The new Three Amigos. (Thank all things holy I don’t have to talk about Hector Noesi anymore.)

Blake Beavan

As much as I hate Blake Beavan and how boring he is, he somehow managed to make the roster again. Although, if things break right (And by right I mean badly for Beavan), he will be sent down to AAA and Erasmo Ramirez will retake the spot he should have had locked up after last year and this Spring. (I’m a little bitter). Beavan has made himself more interesting in the off-season though. He went and worked with the pitching coach at University of Texas who changed up his mechanics a little. The difference being that Beavan now releases the ball higher in the air, giving it more of a downward angle as it moves toward the batter. This makes it harder to hit the ball in the air, and will absolutely make Beavan better. It also makes it harder to pick out off-speed pitches, so Beavan might actually strike out some guys this year. But I don’t see his changes benefitting him too much. A 1.36 HR/9 can fall only so far and Beavan still does not have the stuff to be effective at the MLB level. Ramirez, who I expect to handle AAA with ease, should replace him within two months.

Brandon Maurer

The first thing you need to know with Brandon Maurer is that he is awesome. Look at this beard. Look at it again. I really don’t care if he pitches like Jeff Weaver, that beard is the greatest thing about this 2013 M’s team. He also put up some awesome numbers in Spring Training, but those things are just as important as the shower cap in hotel rooms. Everyone knows that Maurer is the guy who beat out the Big 3 for Minor League Pitcher of the Year. These are the three things you need to know about Maurer before he debuts with the team.

I think I am lost in his eyes

1.     He has an awesome beard.

2.     He played on the same high school baseball team as Gerrit Cole, number one draft pick for the Pirates

3.     He is really good. Polished, smart and not afraid to use his secondary stuff. Don’t be surprised if he goes Erasmo on us. (I may be trying to get that word into everyday conversation)

Show me your mean face Joe

Joe Saunders

I first knew who Joe Saunders was when he was a young lefty for the Angels who somehow outperformed and was a solid starter for my fantasy baseball team. He is about 90% Jason Vargas and 10% Jarrod Washburn. If you are jumping out of your chair in excitement, just wait, there’s more. There isn’t more, sorry, Saunders is not very good. And I really don’t see him doing much more than filling a spot until Hultzen is ready or losing his spot to Erasmo Ramirez if Beavan suddenly Erasmo’s (That wasn’t forced right?). I think Joe Saunders is this year’s Kevin Millwood. Damn.

           

There will be more content coming soon. I swear on the lack of flexibility on our roster right now and the combined K percentage of Morse, Morales and Smoak. And that right there is a promise.

Jack Z Makes a Really Awful Trade

By: Anthony

As a college student, I have certain freedoms that I do tend to indulge in that other, older people do not have. The abundance of sunshine where I am is one of them, In-N-Out burgers are another thing, but my favorite indulgence is napping.

          

 I may have to only wake up at 10AM but that is still too early for me sometimes, so I take a midday nap when I get the chance. So as I was beginning to settle in for a snooze today I was awoken by a text from my brother. It read “Morse Eh?” and was quickly followed by Patrick texting me “Morse!” That instantly made me go to Twitter and investigate. Sifting through the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend stories, I found a few stories about the M’s closing in on Mike Morse. I wasn’t a fan of adding Morse because, as I told Patrick a week ago, he really fills the hole we have at 1B and DH. He didn’t get the sarcasm.

            

This is a top result when you google search for MIke Morse images. I am not kidding

Anyway, I then kept looking through my tweets and saw that it was a three-way trade and the A’s were the third team involved. Cool, good for Billy Beane. Then I saw the thing that ruined any chance I had at finishing my siesta. John Jaso was whom we traded away in return for Morse. I then quickly replied to both Patrick and my brother with expletive-heavy texts.

            
This is an awful trade for the Mariners. And the worst thing is that there are six seven reasons why this is an awful trade for the Mariners and leaves them in a super awkward place roster-wise.

1. Mike Morse can only play 1B/DH. I really couldn’t tell you who would be a worse outfielder, him or Raul Ibanez. And even worse, I don’t know whom that is a worse insult to. As a reminder, that now makes three first basemen on the roster right now, four if you count Ibanez and five DH’s.

2. Fine, I’m adding an extra reason in case the M’s see Morse as an outfielder. We already have Guti, Saunders, Wells, Thames, Carp, Peguero and Bay competing for a spot in the outfield. And Morse needs Guti next to him in center to hide his lack of defense. So not only does he not clear up anything at 1B/DH, but he also makes the outfielder even harder to figure out.

I'll say this for Morse, he knows how to prepare for Seattle weather

3. Jesus Montero is the only catcher on the 40-man roster right now. Yes, the same Jesus Montero who is supposed to be transitioning from C to DH and 1B. And there is no way the organization is counting on Mike Zunino breaking camp with the team. So we either carry one catcher all year, or have to sign or trade for another C who will now see significant playing time and will probably be awful offensively.

4. Mike Morse broke into the league in 2005. Seven seasons ago. And has played in 485 games. That is less than 70 games a season. He has broken 500 AB’s in a season once in his career. He is a huge injury risk and becomes a free agent after this upcoming season.  To summarize this reason, we could be giving up John Jaso for most likely less than a whole season of Mike Morse.

5. John Jaso is really good. He was by far one of the best hitters on the 2012 M’s and did so partially from the catching position, normally a position of offensive ineptitude. His .850 OPS put him in the company of Alex Rios, Paul Konerko and Austin Jackson. He was the 5^th best catcher in the MLB by that metric. I know he faced favorable matchups and was pretty bad against lefties. But still, he has way more value than Mike Morse.

6. More on John Jaso, he gets paid less than $500,000 this year and is not a free agent until 2016. He also has an awesome beard. As one who has grown a similar beard to Jaso (The amish neck beard), he truly was a source of inspiration for me and all other amish-beard fanatics.

Justin Smoak, Kendrys Morales, Mike Morse, Raul Ibanez have to share 1B and DH now. Process that for a while. And we gave up one of our best players to let that situation happen.

I'll miss you John

Is this the worst trade Jack Z has made while in Seattle? I wouldn’t go that far, the Fister trade was pretty bad. But this trade only further muddles the water of the 2013 Mariners roster by adding a piece we simply did not need and giving away a piece we sorely did need. Not to mention that the piece coming in is more expensive, more injury prone and will be a free agent sooner than the piece leaving. I might have to go for a run or something right now since I can’t nap. Just kidding, I’ll just go to In-N-Out and drown my sorrows in a double-double or something.

Seattle Mariners 2013 New Years Resolutions

By: Anthony

Happy New Year to all of our readers, and here it is, much to Patrick’s chagrin, our first post of 2013 (Only took three days!). Like many people across the world, various members of the Seattle Mariners made New Year’s Resolutions. Thanks to our tireless reporting and sources close to various members of the team, we have learned some of these resolutions made by the team.

Blake Beavan- Be even more Blake Beavany this coming year. Go for the Perfect Beavan (attempting going an entire game without missing a bat).

Carter Capps- Figure out if the mythical pitch called the “changeup” is real or if Carl Willis is just messing with him.

Felix Hernandez- Find a way to face 26 batters in a complete game. Also, shore up fiscal policies in Court as well as limiting serf’s freedom further.

Hisashi Iwakuma- Bring the excitement and dance moves his idol Muenori Kawasaki brought to the clubhouse last year.

Lucas Luetge- Take the term LOOGY (Left-handed one out guy) to a whole new level, spitting a mixture of saliva and phlegm at all strikeout victims.

Hector Noesi- Learn difference between 2-0 and 0-2 counts.

Stephen Pryor- Do all possible to change awful Mariner hashtag “Pryorfire.” Including learning knuckleball and epheus

Erasmo Ramirez- Become best Nicaraguan pitcher in MLB.

Note: Vincente Padilla is the only other Nicaraguan pitcher in the MLB. So be better than Padilla.

Tom Wilhelmsen- Develop signature drink called “The Hammer Curve.” Must include 151 Rum and Everclear.

John Jaso- Grow beard more often.

Jesus Montero- To further piss off Jeff Sullivan, change facial hair daily.

Dustin Ackley- Tell Justin Smoak he doesn’t want to be in a band with him and Kyle Seager

Kendrys Morales- Develop a cool, less dangerous celebration for walk-off home runs. Also, hit walk-off home runs.

Brendan Ryan- Play “How low can my batting average get before I get benched” less often and win a gold glove.

Kyle Seager and Justin Smoak- Get Ackley to join band, or find another second baseman that can play oboe.

Franklin Gutierrez- Purchase personal bubble to prevent catching polio from Saunders. Also, learn to play baseball in personal bubble.

Michael Saunders- Convince Gutierrez that Canada also vaccinates against polio. Free healthcare!

Carlos Peguero- Open eyes when he swings more often.

Eric Thames- Sue Thames River for stealing name and change pronunciation.

Casper Wells- Follow lead of Eric Thames and sue deep holes sunk into the earth to obtain water.

Raul Ibanez - Land an endorsement deal with Warren Zevon, allowing him to go on tours after he retires. If you don't get this, go to some Mariners games. Side note: Warren Zevon died in 2003

Jason Bay - Disprove some Canadian stereotypes and hit his weight.