Jack Z Makes a Really Awful Trade

By: Anthony

As a college student, I have certain freedoms that I do tend to indulge in that other, older people do not have. The abundance of sunshine where I am is one of them, In-N-Out burgers are another thing, but my favorite indulgence is napping.

          

 I may have to only wake up at 10AM but that is still too early for me sometimes, so I take a midday nap when I get the chance. So as I was beginning to settle in for a snooze today I was awoken by a text from my brother. It read “Morse Eh?” and was quickly followed by Patrick texting me “Morse!” That instantly made me go to Twitter and investigate. Sifting through the Manti Te’o fake girlfriend stories, I found a few stories about the M’s closing in on Mike Morse. I wasn’t a fan of adding Morse because, as I told Patrick a week ago, he really fills the hole we have at 1B and DH. He didn’t get the sarcasm.

            

This is a top result when you google search for MIke Morse images. I am not kidding

Anyway, I then kept looking through my tweets and saw that it was a three-way trade and the A’s were the third team involved. Cool, good for Billy Beane. Then I saw the thing that ruined any chance I had at finishing my siesta. John Jaso was whom we traded away in return for Morse. I then quickly replied to both Patrick and my brother with expletive-heavy texts.

            
This is an awful trade for the Mariners. And the worst thing is that there are six seven reasons why this is an awful trade for the Mariners and leaves them in a super awkward place roster-wise.

1. Mike Morse can only play 1B/DH. I really couldn’t tell you who would be a worse outfielder, him or Raul Ibanez. And even worse, I don’t know whom that is a worse insult to. As a reminder, that now makes three first basemen on the roster right now, four if you count Ibanez and five DH’s.

2. Fine, I’m adding an extra reason in case the M’s see Morse as an outfielder. We already have Guti, Saunders, Wells, Thames, Carp, Peguero and Bay competing for a spot in the outfield. And Morse needs Guti next to him in center to hide his lack of defense. So not only does he not clear up anything at 1B/DH, but he also makes the outfielder even harder to figure out.

I'll say this for Morse, he knows how to prepare for Seattle weather

3. Jesus Montero is the only catcher on the 40-man roster right now. Yes, the same Jesus Montero who is supposed to be transitioning from C to DH and 1B. And there is no way the organization is counting on Mike Zunino breaking camp with the team. So we either carry one catcher all year, or have to sign or trade for another C who will now see significant playing time and will probably be awful offensively.

4. Mike Morse broke into the league in 2005. Seven seasons ago. And has played in 485 games. That is less than 70 games a season. He has broken 500 AB’s in a season once in his career. He is a huge injury risk and becomes a free agent after this upcoming season.  To summarize this reason, we could be giving up John Jaso for most likely less than a whole season of Mike Morse.

5. John Jaso is really good. He was by far one of the best hitters on the 2012 M’s and did so partially from the catching position, normally a position of offensive ineptitude. His .850 OPS put him in the company of Alex Rios, Paul Konerko and Austin Jackson. He was the 5^th best catcher in the MLB by that metric. I know he faced favorable matchups and was pretty bad against lefties. But still, he has way more value than Mike Morse.

6. More on John Jaso, he gets paid less than $500,000 this year and is not a free agent until 2016. He also has an awesome beard. As one who has grown a similar beard to Jaso (The amish neck beard), he truly was a source of inspiration for me and all other amish-beard fanatics.

Justin Smoak, Kendrys Morales, Mike Morse, Raul Ibanez have to share 1B and DH now. Process that for a while. And we gave up one of our best players to let that situation happen.

I'll miss you John

Is this the worst trade Jack Z has made while in Seattle? I wouldn’t go that far, the Fister trade was pretty bad. But this trade only further muddles the water of the 2013 Mariners roster by adding a piece we simply did not need and giving away a piece we sorely did need. Not to mention that the piece coming in is more expensive, more injury prone and will be a free agent sooner than the piece leaving. I might have to go for a run or something right now since I can’t nap. Just kidding, I’ll just go to In-N-Out and drown my sorrows in a double-double or something.

Seattle Mariners 2013 New Years Resolutions

By: Anthony

Happy New Year to all of our readers, and here it is, much to Patrick’s chagrin, our first post of 2013 (Only took three days!). Like many people across the world, various members of the Seattle Mariners made New Year’s Resolutions. Thanks to our tireless reporting and sources close to various members of the team, we have learned some of these resolutions made by the team.

Blake Beavan- Be even more Blake Beavany this coming year. Go for the Perfect Beavan (attempting going an entire game without missing a bat).

Carter Capps- Figure out if the mythical pitch called the “changeup” is real or if Carl Willis is just messing with him.

Felix Hernandez- Find a way to face 26 batters in a complete game. Also, shore up fiscal policies in Court as well as limiting serf’s freedom further.

Hisashi Iwakuma- Bring the excitement and dance moves his idol Muenori Kawasaki brought to the clubhouse last year.

Lucas Luetge- Take the term LOOGY (Left-handed one out guy) to a whole new level, spitting a mixture of saliva and phlegm at all strikeout victims.

Hector Noesi- Learn difference between 2-0 and 0-2 counts.

Stephen Pryor- Do all possible to change awful Mariner hashtag “Pryorfire.” Including learning knuckleball and epheus

Erasmo Ramirez- Become best Nicaraguan pitcher in MLB.

Note: Vincente Padilla is the only other Nicaraguan pitcher in the MLB. So be better than Padilla.

Tom Wilhelmsen- Develop signature drink called “The Hammer Curve.” Must include 151 Rum and Everclear.

John Jaso- Grow beard more often.

Jesus Montero- To further piss off Jeff Sullivan, change facial hair daily.

Dustin Ackley- Tell Justin Smoak he doesn’t want to be in a band with him and Kyle Seager

Kendrys Morales- Develop a cool, less dangerous celebration for walk-off home runs. Also, hit walk-off home runs.

Brendan Ryan- Play “How low can my batting average get before I get benched” less often and win a gold glove.

Kyle Seager and Justin Smoak- Get Ackley to join band, or find another second baseman that can play oboe.

Franklin Gutierrez- Purchase personal bubble to prevent catching polio from Saunders. Also, learn to play baseball in personal bubble.

Michael Saunders- Convince Gutierrez that Canada also vaccinates against polio. Free healthcare!

Carlos Peguero- Open eyes when he swings more often.

Eric Thames- Sue Thames River for stealing name and change pronunciation.

Casper Wells- Follow lead of Eric Thames and sue deep holes sunk into the earth to obtain water.

Raul Ibanez - Land an endorsement deal with Warren Zevon, allowing him to go on tours after he retires. If you don't get this, go to some Mariners games. Side note: Warren Zevon died in 2003

Jason Bay - Disprove some Canadian stereotypes and hit his weight.