By Patrick
If you are unsure why this is the Kosher Edition, it is because the Ham Sandwich was sent down to Tacoma and Erasmo Ramirez was called up. I was in finals stress/ packing mode all week so I ignored the boys for a while. Then the Padres sweep us. Coincidence? I think not. Clearly the team cares so much about me, that whenever I don’t even check the ESPN gamecast, they give up. But I don’t really care. I am done with school and am a bottle cap flip away from a beach in Hawaii. So yeah, I don’t really care how we do because I am in paradise. Onto the amigos.
Hector Noesi
Wow, cool Hector. That was a pretty awesome start. Sure it was against the Padres, who are rumored to hit worse than us (I remain skeptical), and it was in Safeco. I don’t care. He pitched 7 innings, gave up one run on a home run from Yonder Alonso, 3 walks and 5 K’s. Yonder Alonso is a very good hitter. If Noesi gives up home runs to really good hitters occasionally, that’s ok. Anyway, Noesi did a very good job of not throwing meatballs in 0-2 counts. I am not a huge fan of the number of walks. But if he has to walk a few people to pitch like he did, then that’s cool. Remember those things I always bring up with Hector? The number of whiffs, changeup command and limiting line drives? Well he did pretty awesome at all those. If only our offense wasn’t as terrible as warm Keystone at 6 in the morning. Anyway, Hector gets an A-.
Erasmo Ramirez
The rookie made his debut and did his thing. It worked for a while. Of course his thing is throwing a bunch of strikes. Wow, this is really hard to write about. He is almost as boring as Blake Beavan. I guess his name is cooler. I hope Patrick comes up with a nickname for him soon. Ramirez’s line was 5 innings, 5 runs, 3 K’s and a walk. I don’t have much to say here, I guess I’ll go on a tangent. I am lacking inspiration and motivation here, sorry guys. I will be accepting bets on when the M’s finally move Danny Hultzen to Tacoma. The dude is lighting up AAA. His stats are 75 innings, 1.19 ERA, 79 strikeouts. He has more K’s than innings and has given up 10 earned runs all year. Can somebody realize that he needs more of a challenge? Let him get used to the Northwest air and let him dominate in Tacoma. Nick Franklin is also pretty good, and by pretty good I mean he is also dominating. Let the kids play!
Kevin Millwood
It took me till this long in the article to realize that Kevin Millwood has yet to pitch because of his groin. I know as an educated fan and blogger I should have looked at that earlier. Somehow I don’t feel bad about messing that up. I can’t stand looking at his numbers, face or anything remotely Millwoody. I really don’t like him…. He gets an incomplete. And this time it is justified.
Tip of My Cap
Franklin Gutierrez: He has only been with the team a few days. But he is already hitting in the 2 hole. I don’t tip my cap to him for that. But in his first at-bat back from the DL he got hit. I found that quite funny honestly, but what I tip my cap to is that he didn’t get hurt when he got hit. I would have no been surprised if he left the game after that. Took a few days off to rest a “shoulder contusion” or something and then gone back to the DL. But Franklin is a fighter! He lives for pain! He played through it like a champ. And actually looked pretty good.
Wag of My Elbow
Yes, I am stepping up the punishment. Clearly the finger was not cutting it. So I am upgrading to the elbow waggle. This goes out to Eric Wedge. He has made a few lineup changes that I have not liked. But what I am wagging at him for is the continuation of no John Jaso. I love John Jaso almost as much as I love Lucas Luetge (Who I got a reply from on twitter). Whenever Jaso is up, he looks like he always has a chance to make the pitcher work or at least not look pathetic in the box. Miguel Olivo on the other hand is embarrassing sometimes. The pitches he swings at are laughable, the times I have sworn at a TV when he hits is way too high and just the general feeling he inspires is me is not positive. Wedge, can we please #FreeJaso?
Cathartic: I will be honest. This totally applies to me. Cathartic means cleansing for those who don’t watch the National Spelling Bee or read the dictionary. This week of not watching the M’s was cathartic for me. I felt relaxed (for having finals) and didn’t have to worry about Hector Noesi hanging a curve or the curious case of Felix Hernandez, (I will be elaborating on that later this week/ weekend). It was nice to get away from them recently and recharge. But now I am back with a vengeance. Let’s do some cool things Mariners. Like throwing perfect games and dropping 5 home runs a game. Deal? Go M’s
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